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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270826">depths</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarknessChill/pseuds/DarknessChill'>DarknessChill</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>touch-starved [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, the boys are only sometimes solid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:49:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,525</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarknessChill/pseuds/DarknessChill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The thing is, Luke is casually affectionate with everyone he cares about. It's not in his nature to shirk away from contact – he'll sooner sit right next to Alex on the couch than take an empty chair, or lean his arm on Reggie's shoulder rather than lean against a wall. And Reggie and Alex go along with it, they're used to it.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>And, he thinks, so is Julie. On the rare occasions that they're solid, and he's able to wrap an arm over her shoulders or take her hand, she'll lean into it, lean into him, curl into his side or squeeze his hand and hold on just as tightly as he does. It shouldn't be different than it is with the guys.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>But it is, and they both know it.</i>
</p>
<p>Sometimes Luke's emotions send him spiraling, especially when Julie's involved.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Julie Molina/Luke Patterson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>touch-starved [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935412</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>612</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>depths</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There’s always been a part of Luke that’s been fascinated by Julie, long before that fascination turned into a legitimate crush. From the moment she offered for them to stay in the studio, it’s been there, nagging at the back of his mind, this feeling that there’s so much more to this girl than he has any chance of ever discovering.</p>
<p>Her ability to light up a room just by smiling, coupled with her amazing voice, the careful way she navigates around painful subjects and finds the best way to handle them, but  gravitates towards them when her own grief becomes too much for her to handle alone.</p>
<p>The moment he watched her hand his song sheet to his mother, Luke knew he was gone on this girl, and that there was no turning back. How Julie knew that having his mother read the words he wrote for her after running away would be exactly what he needed to try and move forward – and exactly what <em>she</em> needed to finally move on – Luke will never know, but that’s Julie. She knows these things, better than anyone else. She sees into the depths of people and understands them better than anyone else. She knows when Alex needs space and when he needs a reassuring hug. She knows when Reggie needs a body squeezed in next to his in a chair and when he needs the room to himself.</p>
<p>She knows when Luke wants more than anything to hold her hand, and she knows when he’s self-destructing.</p>
<p>And the thing is, Luke is casually affectionate with everyone he cares about. It's not in his nature to shirk away from contact – he'll sooner sit right next to Alex on the couch than take an empty chair, or lean his arm on Reggie's shoulder rather than lean against a wall. And Reggie and Alex go along with it, they're <em>used</em> to it.</p>
<p>And, he thinks, so is Julie. On the rare occasions that they're solid, and he's able to wrap an arm over her shoulders or take her hand, she'll lean into it, lean into him, curl into his side or squeeze his hand and hold on just as tightly as he does. It shouldn't be different than it is with the guys.</p>
<p>But it is, and they both know it.</p>
<p>Being able to entwine their fingers, to press his shoulder into hers or pull her into one of those half hugs that she adores so much… Being able to touch her has been both a gift and a curse of its own because Luke knows – he <em>knows </em>– that she feels the same way for him, and that there’s nothing the two of them can do about it.</p>
<p>At the end of the day, he’s still dead.</p>
<p>At the end of the day, he still died <em>ten years before she was born</em>.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Julie's sitting at the piano when he pops in, deep in concentration as she plays the same few notes over and over again, but she glances up as he approaches, offering a smile. "Hey, Luke."</p>
<p>"Hey." Luke smiles, leaning against the piano. "That sounds good."</p>
<p>"It's just something I'm trying," Julie says, scribbling something down in the margin of his – their – songwriting notebook and sliding it over to him so he can take a look. "It's rough, but I was inspired."</p>
<p>Luke grins as he pulls the notebook closer, reading through the lyrics and notes. "Julie, this is <em>really</em> good."</p>
<p>She flushes. "Thanks – I hit the bridge and got stuck, though, so I'm hoping you can work your lyrical magic?"</p>
<p>"I'll do my best." Luke grins, taking the pencil she'd abandoned and humming the notes softly.</p>
<p>They fall into a companionable silence, punctuated ever so often by soft humming or the occasional piano note, until Julie breaks through it, finally, with a soft, "We should... <em>probably</em> talk about this."</p>
<p>He glances up from the notebook to see her watching him work, fingers resting on the keys of the piano, but no longer playing.</p>
<p>Luke knows exactly what she's talking about, but he still tries a soft, "The song?" instead.</p>
<p>Julie shakes her head, raising her eyebrows at him, and he sighs.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I know." He sinks onto the piano bench next to her, abandoning his notebook for now, and she shifts to face him, reaching out to try and take his hand but passing straight through – a common occurrence, but she shivers anyway. "If that worked every time, we wouldn't be having this conversation," Luke reminds her softly, and she sighs, shutting her eyes.</p>
<p>"We're such a mess," she breathes, letting her head drop into her hands.</p>
<p>"Julie," Luke tries, but as he opens his mouth to continue, Alex and Reggie suddenly appear by the garage doors.</p>
<p>"Hey guys!" Reggie greets, and Julie flinches, looking up.</p>
<p>Alex freezes. "Sorry, are we interrupting?" he asks, taking a step back and gesturing towards the doors. "We can come back."</p>
<p>Julie shakes her head, smoothing down her hair and dropping her hands into her lap. "No, you're fine," she assures, and relief floods Luke as he tears his eyes from her to shoot a slightly-forced grin over at Reggie and Alex.</p>
<p>"You sure?" Reggie glances between them.</p>
<p>"Definitely." Julie nods. "We lost track of time. Ready for practice?"</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It's not hard to see his feelings for her – they’re written all over his face every time she sings. And he thinks – hopes – that the expression he sees on her face when their eyes meet on stage, or during practice, or when songwriting, means that she feels the same way. They've never said it out loud because they don't <em>need</em> to – but also because saying it out loud would mean that they have to actually define it.</p>
<p>And to actually define it, they have to admit what neither of them wants to – that Luke is dead, and any relationship between the two of them is doomed to failure.</p>
<p>Alex finds him in the studio, angrily scribbling in his songwriting notebook, and plops down onto the couch next to him with a quiet, "Julie again?"</p>
<p>Luke startles, turning to stare at his friend. "What?"</p>
<p>"You have the look on your face that you get when you remember that Julie's alive and we aren't," Alex answers, leaning back on the couch.</p>
<p>"I don't – that’s not a look I have," Luke protests.</p>
<p>"Okay, sure," Alex brushes that off. "Luke—"</p>
<p>"I'm fine," Luke insists, snapping his notebook shut and standing up, crossing over to the piano and stubbornly not looking in Alex's direction.</p>
<p>Alex sighs. "Luke, talk to me. You've been spiraling all week."</p>
<p>Luke stays silent for a moment longer. "We almost talked about it the other day," he finally says, still not turning to face Alex. "If you and Reggie hadn't poofed in, we—" he cuts off with a growl, both hands curling into fists on the piano's top.</p>
<p>Alex stands up, walking up to stand next to him. "Is that such a bad thing?" he asks carefully.</p>
<p>"Yes!" Luke snaps. "Because the minute we talk about this, it ends. The minute we admit that there's something there, we have to put a stop to it."</p>
<p>Alex startles a bit at that, physically turning Luke so he has to look at him. "<em>Why?</em>  Why would admitting it mean that you have to stop <em>anything?</em>  Luke, you already know she likes you, and you <em>absolutely</em> like her – isn’t that a good thing?"</p>
<p>"No!" Luke bites out, taking a step back, out of Alex's grip. "I'm <em>dead</em>, Alex, and she's alive. She's fifteen, and she has her <em>entire</em> life ahead of her. I can't—” he cuts himself off sharply, finishing his sentence in a marginally calmer voice. “I can't make her waste it on me like that."</p>
<p>"Luke—" Alex tries, softer, but Luke just shakes his head, vanishing before Alex can get the words out.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>He reappears outside his parents' house, taking deep breaths to try and calm down. He's not sure why he came here, of all places – being here usually just upsets him more – but it's a different kind of upset than spiraling about Julie, so he'll take it. With another steadying breath, he steps through the door.</p>
<p>He can hear voices filtering out from the kitchen – his mother's first – and he steps towards them, but freezes when he recognizes the second voice.</p>
<p>"Thank you for inviting me by," Julie's voice reaches his ears, and Luke quickly shifts so he's out of view of the doorway before there's any chance of him being spotted. Why was she... Julie didn't tell him she'd be going by his parents' house, why would she...</p>
<p>"Of course," his mother says. "I wanted to thank you again for bringing Luke's song to us – you have no idea how much it meant to Mitch and I."</p>
<p>"I actually do understand," Julie says, her voice wavering a little. "I lost my mom last year, and a few months ago, I found a song she wrote for me while she was sick. It... helped. When I found Luke's song, I knew you needed to have it."</p>
<p>"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry about your mother," his mom says softly, and there's a beat of silence between the two of them before they settle into quiet conversation about Julie's school and family. Luke is about to step out, to leave them to it and stop eavesdropping, when his mother speaks up again, and he freezes.</p>
<p>"I wanted to give you this – to thank you. Mitch and I bought this for Luke the year he—" she cuts off sharply, and a moment later she continues. "We never got the chance to give it to him, but it's just been collecting dust. We thought you might get some use out of it."</p>
<p>Luke can't see whatever it is that his mother's handed Julie, but he can hear the held back grief in her voice as she breathes out, "Oh, he – I’m sure he would have loved it… Mrs. Patterson, I can't—"</p>
<p>"Emily," his mother corrects Julie lightly. "And you absolutely can. Please, I'd much rather you have it than have it collect dust any longer."</p>
<p>Julie is silent for a moment, but finally she says, "Thank you, I... I really appreciate it."</p>
<p>There's a smile in his mother's voice as she continues. "I think he would have really liked you – Luke, I mean."</p>
<p>He can hear Julie's careful exhale. "I think I would have really liked him too."</p>
<p>Luke teleports away before he can hear any more.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Julie finds him in the garage later that evening, and wordlessly hands him a small notebook, the kind and brand that he’d always bought or begged his parents to buy him when he was younger, the kind he reserved <em>specifically</em> for songwriting, with something tied to the back of it with a ribbon. When Luke lifts his head to look at it, but makes no effort to take it, she says, "I know you were there – I heard you poof out."</p>
<p>Luke swallows, looking from the book up to Julie, and managing a rough, "Mom gave that to <em>you</em>."</p>
<p>"It was meant for you originally," Julie insists, practically forcing it into his hands and then backtracking so she's standing a few feet away from him, arms wrapped around her middle.</p>
<p>He looks down at the book, but doesn’t flip it over to see what’s tied to it, and carefully puts it to the side instead, looking back up at Julie. "Why... why didn't you tell me my mom had invited you over?"</p>
<p>"I tried," Julie insists. "I did, but you've been <em>avoiding</em> being alone with me all week and I wasn't going to just blurt it out in the middle of practice."</p>
<p>Luke flinches at that – <em>fair enough</em>.</p>
<p>"Luke, I can't do this anymore," Julie breathes out, tightening her arms around herself. "I can't keep dancing around our relationship and pretending I don't have feelings for you." she trails off, glancing up at him.</p>
<p>It's the first time either one of them has admitted it out loud, even though both of them <em>know</em> it's true. Luke quickly looks away from her.</p>
<p>"Julie, you—" He cuts off, swallowing and rethinking his sentence. "You know I'm not shy about expressing my feelings – you <em>know</em> I like you... but Julie, I—" He takes a deep breath, looking back over at her. "I'm <em>dead</em>, Julie, and you deserve <em>so much more</em> than some guy that can't even be solid all the time. You deserve a <em>normal</em> relationship, with—"</p>
<p>Julie cuts him off, shaking her head. "You don't get to tell me what I deserve," she bites out, anger seeping into her voice. Taking a breath to try and calm herself, she continues, "Nothing about my life is normal – I am in a <em>ghost band</em> and three of my <em>closest</em> friends died twenty-five years ago. I don't <em>want</em> my life to be normal, because if it was normal, I'd never have met any of you, and I’d probably have been swallowed by my own grief by now.” She pauses, swallowing. “I don't want someone else – I just want <em>you</em>."</p>
<p>It feels a little like the breath has been knocked out of him – which is ridiculous, of course, because he hasn't <em>needed</em> to breathe since he died – but Julie doesn't give him a chance to react, marching over to him and grabbing his wrist.</p>
<p>There's no relief when she makes contact with his skin, no relaxation in either of their shoulders, no watery smiles or entwined fingers. Instead, Julie doesn't miss a beat, tugging him closer and making her feelings abundantly clear by kissing him.</p>
<p>It only takes his brain a moment to reboot and catch up, but then he's pulling his wrist out of her grip so he can draw her in closer. They pull apart a moment later, Julie breathing a little heavier and Luke still feeling out of breath despite not needing it.</p>
<p>"That clear enough for you?" Julie asks him, reaching down and taking both of his hands in hers. "Yeah, nothing about this is ideal – you’re dead, you're not solid all the time – fine. But I don't <em>care</em>. We'll make it work, if it's worth it. And I think it’s worth it."</p>
<p>And Luke can't help but smile as she says that, squeezing her hands. "If you're sure," he says carefully. "I just don't want to hold you back from living your life."</p>
<p>"You're not," she insists, resting her forehead against his and smiling at him. “As long as this is what you want too.”</p>
<p>“Julie,” Luke breathes, letting out an incredulous laugh. “Of course this is what I want.”</p>
<p>She beams, leaning in to kiss him again while he’s still solid and she still can.</p>
<p>Later, when her fingers slip through his and she almost stumbles out of his suddenly intangible embrace, after the two of them laugh – “I haven’t been that clumsy since you guys first started turning solid” – Julie hands him the notebook again, and Luke finally flips it over to look at the brand new (25-year-old) guitar strap that’s tied to the other side with ribbon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay oneshots are <i>actually</i> going to slow down after this. In my defense, this was partially written before I started soul. Hope you enjoyed!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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